Kort, Joe and Alexander Morgan. “Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men”, Rowman & Littlefield, 2014.
There are difficulties when a wife or girlfriend finds out her man has had or wants to have sexual contact with other men. Many times the man is not gay or even bi-sexual. Of course there are some men with gay sexual interests who are gay men in a process of self-discovery and are “coming out.” Often, these desires only reflect a different side of a man’s sexuality or some response to childhood trauma or experiences they have not fully processed. Men can be straight and have gay sexual interests.
Joe Kort and Alexander Morgan show the distinction between gay men and “straight men with gay interests” more clear to the readers who want to know how they can get through finding out about these other interests. They explain the many reasons why straight men may be drawn to gay sex, how to tell whether a man is gay, straight, or bisexual, and what the various options are for these couples, who can often go on to have very fulfilling marriages. Using stories gleaned from clinical settings, Kort and Morgan help to readers to come to a better understanding of their own and their partner’s sex lives and fantasies.
This is a self-help book intended to help couples understand how male sexuality can express itself in ways that may be difficult to understand. Many marriages have hurriedly ended when men and women (and their therapists) lacked the information they needed to understand a couple’s true options. This book provides the clarity, describes the options, and (in many cases) offers hope for relationships and marriages that have been brushed off as doomed.
There is the social tendency to feel shame and fear about husbands who have sex with men. Kort and Morgan offer a compassionate and understanding view that is grounded in science and clinical practice and help to alleviate fear. There are no clear-cut ways to deal with this and the authors look at the situation in sophisticated ways thereby presenting a view of masculine sexuality and eroticism that is needed. Sexual fluidity is a confusing area of human behavior. Kort and Morgan examine the complexities of men’s sexuality with empathy and do so directly.
We get clear answers and direction and explain how to talk about relationships and betrayal while moving our understanding of sexuality forward into a new era of openness and maturity. We become aware of the distinctions between being gay, bi, or straight with an attraction to male sexuality and not just theoretically. The book is a collection of case studies, therapy practices, and research-based information that show the diverse range of behaviors, emotions, and psychological states of husbands (and in turn their wives) who “think, suspect, or believe they are gay or bisexual, whether or not their identity actually fits the complex definition of homosexuality or bisexuality”.